Fuck your site sucks
an ecommerce podcast
Spin the globe. Pick a merchant. Watch us tear their store apart.
Shitty design is universal.
every teardown so far
Kanso Goods: Nine Steps to Checkout Hell
A Tokyo minimalist homeware brand whose wabi-sabi aesthetic hides a nine-step checkout, three competing fonts, and a cart that empties itself when you blink. We tear it all down.
▶ Watch on YouTubeAurora Wool: An 80MB Hero Video on a Knitwear Store
Iceland's coziest sweaters, hidden behind an autoplaying drone film of a glacier that torches your data plan before you ever see a product. Beautiful brand, brutal Core Web Vitals.
▶ Watch on YouTubeSavannah Roast: World-Class Payments, Unusable Menu
A Nairobi coffee subscription with the smoothest M-Pesa checkout we've ever tested — and a hamburger menu that requires three thumbs to operate. Half teardown, half love letter.
▶ Watch on YouTubePampa Leather: Three Currencies, Zero Clarity
Gorgeous Buenos Aires leather goods priced in pesos, dollars and vibes simultaneously. The currency switcher changes the language, the language switcher changes the currency.
▶ Watch on YouTubeMasala Crate: The Popup Stack of Doom
A Mumbai spice-kit merchant that greets you with a newsletter modal, a cookie banner, a WhatsApp bubble, a spin-to-win wheel and a push notification prompt — all before the first product image loads.
▶ Watch on YouTubeAnkara Republic: 40 Uncompressed PNGs Walk Into a PDP
Lagos streetwear with photography good enough for a gallery and a product page that ships every image at full resolution, no lazy loading, no srcset. The fabric deserves better.
▶ Watch on YouTubePolar Provisions: The $312 Shipping Surprise
Svalbard expedition gear that hides freight costs until the final step, then detonates the cart. We rebuild their shipping calculator live and talk arctic logistics with the founder.
▶ Watch on YouTubeLucha Threads: A Fourteen-Slide Homepage Carousel
Mexico City wrestling-inspired apparel with a hero carousel so long it has its own intermission. Slide eleven is just a stock photo of a handshake. Nobody knows why.
▶ Watch on YouTubeSeoul Glow: Forty-Seven Trust Badges and Counting
K-beauty skincare with genuinely great products buried under fake countdown timers, '3,412 people are viewing this' widgets, and a badge wall longer than the ingredients list.
▶ Watch on YouTubeVesuvio Sauce Co: The Accordion of Doom
A Naples pasta sauce dynasty selling nonna's recipe through a single infinite accordion. Ingredients, shipping, reviews and the founder's biography all live in one collapsible. Vesuvius looms.
▶ Watch on YouTubeFlat White Club: The Rare Ten-Out-of-Ten
A Wellington coffee gear store that gets nearly everything right — fast, honest, funny microcopy, one-page checkout. We spend an hour trying to find something to hate. We find one thing.
▶ Watch on YouTubeNeon Bento: Fake Scarcity as a Lifestyle
Back to Tokyo for a streetwear drop site where every item has been 'almost sold out' since 2024. Countdown timers reset on refresh, and the waitlist is a mailing list wearing a trench coat.
▶ Watch on YouTubeGlacier Skin: A Quiz Funnel With No Exit
Reykjavik round two: a skincare quiz that demands your email, birthday and skin biography before revealing it only sells three products. The back button is a lie.
▶ Watch on YouTubeNonna's Pantry: The Subscription You Can Never Leave
Naples part two. Subscribing to this pantry box takes one click; cancelling requires a phone call, an email, and what we can only describe as an exit interview with nonna herself.
▶ Watch on YouTubeHabana Vintage: A Checkout Without HTTPS in 2026
Classic-car parts and vintage Cuban shirts sold through a checkout form that predates the padlock icon. Charming inventory, terrifying security. We phone a friend before entering a card number.
▶ Watch on YouTube